I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
