I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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