Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
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We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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