Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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