I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
