I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
