I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize