I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
