Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
