Cold hands, warm shart.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
