I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
