Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
