i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
well you can't waste a boner
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
