Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
