Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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