worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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