we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
