Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
