I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
