If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
