At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
