Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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