About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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