Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
