Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
The power of my boobs compel you
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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