I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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