I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
