Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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