Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
