Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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