Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Is Oprah even human
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize