My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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