I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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