did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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