why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
