i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
