Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
