I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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