Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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