I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
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She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
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Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
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