So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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