Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I am available for nakedness
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
