So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
