Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
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