I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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