You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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