garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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