I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
