Your face is a jimmy john
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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