im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
