At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
