did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
