I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
you had me at cake vodka
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Randomize
