my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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