Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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