also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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