Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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