The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
