I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
