I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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