Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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