he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
