The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
