Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
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