Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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