the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
