your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
we should paint friendship bongs
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