I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Randomize
