I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
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