I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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