well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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