I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
