i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
