So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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