Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
